(O) Openness - Being Open To Change

Discover how being open to change can strengthen your relationships in sobriety. Learn about the stages of relationships and practical steps for successful communication and growth.

Change is scary for everyone. When we think of change, we know that there is going to be discomfort. We know that it will be challenging. We know that there will be a great sense of uncertainty. But, what I’ve learned over time is that for me to grow, I need to change!

Even in our relationships, we can look at change as good or something that may enhance our bond with our partners.

If you are reading this, you probably already made a positive change in your life by choosing sobriety. Hopefully, you have noted some sober promises shining through in your life.

Once we are sober and healthy, we may be ready for a relationship. Or maybe you were in one, and you are now looking to enhance the love you have for your partner in sobriety. Being open to change in both new and existing relationships is a step in achieving a successful relationship.

Here are 2 Stages that I’ve recognized in relationship….Stage 1, the ‘New Relationship’ & Stage 2, the ‘Turn’ in the relationship.

So...read, breathe, and learn.

Stage 1: The New Relationship

Often when we enter Stage 1, we are in a romantic utopia. We see our partners as perfect, they see us as perfect, and all is wonderful!

In this stage, you both make time for one another, and communication may flow with ease. The attraction can be intense, which fuels that feeling of that ‘euphoria’.

You might be more patient, understanding, loving, and your partner may reciprocate the same in this stage & we may tolerate one another more.

It is a crucial stage because it builds a partner-bond. Unfortunately, the bliss likely will not last. Some addicts repeatedly skip partners to be in a continuous state of relationship bliss. These are the people who are notorious for "love bombing."

If you find yourself in a relationship where the fairytale seems to be fading a bit, know it is okay. It is part of the natural change of relationships! Are you ready to stick it through?

Stage 2: The Turn

The “Turn” in the relationship is natural, it may also bring you deeper into your relationship. Unfortunately, this is the part of the relationship when fear rears its head, and sometimes people throw in the towel. Stay strong and sit through it...you may find amazing results.

Signs in this stage include your partner pulling away, sometimes acting controlling, more distant. It can kick up the fears of abandonment or loss of control.

It can be a phase of instability. Sometimes still loving and occasionally full of anxiety. It is not unusual to be asking yourself a million questions as to why the ‘turn’ happened, which can drive you entirely insane.

During this phase, it is so important to maintain your recovery connections to maintain sobriety. Also, bear in mind it may not last, and your relationship can come out the other end.

Practice embracing the fear and tolerating the unknown. Through practice, you may be able to stay the course.

Communication

It is time to talk about the fear you are experiencing with your partner. Learn to share what you are feeling and noticing.

You can say, "I am noticing a shift (examples), and this is how it is making me feel (insert feelings). I'm nervous about this conversation but want to share it with you. Can we talk?"

Now it is up to your partner, and you may or may not get a response you are okay with to settle the tension. But be brave and talk anyway.

Our relationships need this to teach us how to be better communicators. Problems are never going to go away on their own. Hopefully, the experience ends up strengthening the relationship, which is the core purpose behind the shift.

Learn More About Successful Relationships

Learning to be open to change within the relationship is just a step in having healthy and successful relationships.

The Sober Relationship Blueprint (SRB) is a program that will teach you several lessons on how to build the best relationship of your life.

SRB offers support from other women who are pursuing the relationships of their dreams. We are on a journey together to provide support, love, and feedback.

You deserve the best relationships in sobriety, "if you want something you've never had, be willing to do something you have never done."