(O) Openness - Being Emotionally Open

Discover how to achieve emotional openness in sober relationships. Learn the importance of vulnerability, identifying feelings, and effective communication for building intimacy.

Often in addiction, we are on a spectrum of emotional availability. We can be closed off, wanting nothing to do with emotions - we are on the ‘avoidant’ side of the spectrum. It is why we drink or use in the first place; to numb!

Or we can be overly emotional. We share and spill without regard to boundaries - we are on the ‘active’ side of the spectrum.

Now that we are sober, we have the opportunity to find a healthy balance in regards to being emotionally open. But how do we learn how when we are new at this thing called healthy intimate relationships?

It starts with feeling safe and taking the risk to be vulnerable.

Vulnerability & Building Intimacy

Being vulnerable in relationships can be terrifying, whether in active addiction or in sobriety. When we no longer have our substance of choice to help us "talk", it can be as if we are a teenager again, testing out how to be in a relationship for the first time.

Usually, people find it challenging to be open because of fear (will they still like the ‘real’ me if I show them that part?).. You can start by testing out being vulnerable with your partner and allow them to be vulnerable with you without casting judgment.

This is about building trust and honoring respect. Keep secrets with intimate details, show up, truly listen, and be present.

If you can provide those things, it is likely your partner will in return. It is a way to protect vulnerabilities rather than using them for exploitation.

How to Identify Feelings?

Part of being emotionally open is sharing your feelings without fear. The expression of emotions makes you relatable as well as strong. Learning to share emotions helps in all life relationships, not just intimate partner relationships.

Unsure how to share feelings or need some practice? Here are some suggestions that can help you to become emotionally open:

Identify Feelings

If you aren't sure what you are feeling, start with your body sensations. Do you feel something in your stomach? Noticing pain? Muscle relaxation or tension? Can you associate if there is an underlying feeling contributing to the sensation.

Or you can try afeelings chart or wheel. The charts can help you learn different feelings. Sometimes we may be feeling something we haven't even considered!

Talk

After you identify the feeling, share it with your partner. It is not easy at first, but it will become more natural with practice.

You don't have to share your feelings all the time, but doing so builds emotional intimacy. Your partner wants to know how you feel, so you are giving them that opportunity through talking. No one is a mind reader!

Listen

Practice listening to your partner when it is their turn to share. Though it may not always be reciprocated, the more you model good listening, the likelihood they will learn the art of listening too.

Try to give your partner undivided attention. It means putting down the phone, shutting off the TV, and being present.

Remember, the more you practice, the more natural it becomes.

Learn More About Successful Relationships

It is a struggle for many of us to be emotionally open. Starting with the steps suggested in this article is moving in the right direction, but there is more to learn!

The Sober Relationship Blueprint (SRB) can help you to become comfortable with being emotionally open. Best yet, you receive the support you need along the way, so you are never alone. You have a place to learn, share successes, and share your struggles, so you continue learning and developing.

Join the like-minded women who are also on their way to healthy, sober intimate relationships!