(B) Boundaries - Dating And Boundaries

Learn how to establish and maintain healthy boundaries in SOBER dating. Discover tips for prioritizing recovery, setting boundaries, and building healthier relationships.

Defining Boundaries

It is important to have boundaries when SOBER dating in recovery.

Being able to set and keep boundaries in sobriety can be a crucial skill, and it is best to get plenty of practice in this area, which is usually a ‘new’ area for us!

Now that you have embraced sobriety, how can you establish healthy boundaries within your relationships?

To start, let's define boundaries. The Oxford dictionary define the word ‘Boundary’ as "a line that marks the limits of an area; a dividing line."

Boundaries DO serve a purpose – they protect.

Boundaries protect us from outside danger, whether that outside danger is emotional or physical, they act to protect.

Boundaries Are Protection

So, imagine a fence around you that serves as protection from those outside pains and possible triggers. Of course, you cannot always avoid pain or triggers, but you learn to say no to the people places and things that may set you back as you progress in taking care of yourself.

There can be people, places, or things that jeopardize your mental health, your physical self or your recovery and that is where a boundary can be put in place and held. I know for myself, there were past people who I dated that I had to cut off contact from…. because they were not healthy for me. I had to set a boundary about not contacting or responding to them if they contacted me, because I needed to protect myself. It wasn’t easy but it was the right thing to do because I wanted to have healthier relationships. It can feel lonely, initially, as you may need to separate yourself from friends or partners who you know may jeopardize your mental health, your physical health or your recovery. Those ‘lonely’ feelings will be uncomfortable at fist, but you will get through them. The loneliness will lift as you build relationships with people who have the things you want in life, such as a stable career, health, a happy family, and/or financial stability.

Boundaries Suggestions

It is important to keep practicing setting boundaries while forming a new way of life through a 12 Step program.

You will begin to learn that setting boundaries you may begin to feel more self-esteem and more powerful. Remember, it is a practice that matures with time, so you become more comfortable as you use the tool.

Here are a few suggestions on implementing boundaries in a romantic/dating relationship:

It is truly yourself you are protecting by proceeding with setting and keeping boundaries.