Learn the importance of establishing physical and emotional boundaries in sober dating. Discover how clear boundaries can build trust and protect your self-esteem.

Boundaries should be part of every relationship, romantic or otherwise.

Boundaries are set to protect your personal self by setting a clear line between what is you feel comfortable with and what you don't feel comfortable with.

It is important to establish physical and emotional boundaries when you are SOBER dating and to discuss them openly.

If you don’t discuss boundaries in advance, resentment can build up and that can cause arguments and fighting – which is not fun!

I’m sure you can think of some examples where resentment has built up because something wasn’t talked about before hand – I know that I can.

Physical Boundaries

I'm going to focus on physical boundaries first.

Physical boundaries can include your body, the physical space around you, or your privacy.

Here are a few examples of physical boundary violations: standing too close, inappropriate touching, even looking through your personal files or your phone.

Some examples of physical boundaries to discuss (don’t assume that your partner ‘knows your boundaries') that apply to SOBER dating may include:

Everyone learns from past relationships about what ‘worked’ and what ‘didn’t work’.

Bringing that knowledge forward into your current or future relationships and verbalizing boundaries around what you want/don’t want is a good tool to use.

I know it feels uncomfortable to have these conversations, but by being able to articulate these types of boundaries and get clarity around these topics we begin to become stronger, healthier and more mature people.

Emotional Boundaries

Emotional boundaries are a bit trickier. Emotional boundaries involve separating your feelings from another person’s feelings.

Here are some examples of emotional boundary violations: taking responsibility for another’s feelings, letting another’s feelings dictate your own, sacrificing your own needs to please another, blaming others for your problems, and accepting responsibility for theirs.

In regards to emotional boundaries, examples may be:

These emotional boundaries are like your own invisible force field and you are in charge of protecting it – no one else can do it for you.

I know that it’s scary and sometimes we may feel ‘guilty’ about setting boundaries, but these feelings of discomfort will go away the more that we practice setting and keeping our own boundaries, which keep us safer.

Building Trust

Both physical and emotional boundaries build trust.

Eventually, the give and take can bring two people closer together while minimizing resentments. However, it is a slow dance, so you may not want to rush.

Building trust may be one of the most important values in a dating relationship, and rushing can destroy what you are wanting to build.

You can explore physical and emotional boundaries by taking suggestions from people in your life who have healthy boundaries.

Also, take time apart from your partner to foster your relationships with other people. Time apart can be particularly helpful if you are prone to codependent relationships.

Healthy SOBER dating involves a delicate balance of physical and emotional boundaries to build trust.

Your sobriety is precious, so understand your needs as you explore intimate relationships. Protect yourself by establishing limits on sharing your heart, soul, thoughts, body, and time.

Strong personal boundaries help protect your self- esteem and your identity as an individual, when you are able to have these conversations together more trust can grow.